Did you know....

...that 43% of people google their dates ahead of time.

It's  surprising that this figure isn't higher since the majority of us have access to the internet.  Even more reason to do The Rules and retain as much 'ungoogleable' mystery as possibe during the courtship phase.

Datey Waity.

Today’s date zero unfortunately didn’t happen.  We had arranged to meet today in Richmond but other than that there were no other details i.e. where and at what time.  This morning I’d decided to simply wait it out and see if he got in touch.

The wait has been going on all day although I’ve been dressed and ‘date ready’ in case he did confirm.    The temptation to send him a text has been lurking since late  afternoon.   A temptation that rapidly dissipated once The Rules reminded me to practice what I preach. i.e not to call men.

There we have it, just one of the many modern day perils to dating.  Nothing to be done other than get on with it.  I found myself longing for the bygone days of dating.  A time when you  would've agreed the date, pick up time and venue well in advance.  A time before mobiles, texts, emails and this instant 'always on' culture complicated things.

Why being ‘hard to get’ works.

‘The Rules’ talk about being mysterious and not chasing men.

By being hard to get, not chasing or pursing men and by making ourselves absent we create space.  By creating space, we allow our suitors to engage their imaginations into embellishing our images.  We’re literally on their minds all the time.

According to Robert Greene in The Art of Seduction ‘If we fear that he/she will be offended by a slower pace or will lose interest.  It is more likely that this fear reflects our own insecurities.  Haste apparently reveals not the depth of our feelings but our degree of self absorption’.

Next time we’re tempted to chase, pursue or open up too quickly just remember we’re doing ourselves a massive disfavour.  Most of us are too obvious – instead do The Rules and be mysterious.  Let him figure it out. 

Why not to talk to a man first.

Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider discuss The Rules in the New York Post and outline Rule #2 Don’t talk to a man first.


New York Post article link: 'Easy' does it for husbands on the prowl

Dating Rejuvenation.

Back to it. 

Nothing like some multiple dating to keep the dating spirits high.  

The dating blues have vanished thanks to two date zero’s which are in the diary for this week.  (NB: a ‘date zero’  according to The Rules is the first date when meeting a suitor via an online dating site and lasts two hours)

One guy who I had previously turned down for a last minute date has confirmed our date zero plans for Wednesday. This time he is giving plenty of notice.

Another guy who must have been lying dormant as we’d swapped numbers awhile back called on Friday.  He called at a bad time as I was out having dinner with a friend.  He suggested that I text/call him back.  No chance. 

There was no need to return his call as he called again on Sunday morning.  After a very pleasant telephone conversation he suggested that we meet for a coffee next Sunday.  He gave me a choice of days for our date and even proposed driving down to my neck of the woods. 

Both date zero’s will only last two hours which is great as this amount of time allows you to leave quickly if he’s not for you yet keeps the mystery alive should you both click.

Just to share some date zero experience.  A date zero normally allows for the consumption of one and a half to two small drinks.  A good barometer for measuring the one hour or halfway stage is after the first drink has finished.  It’s at this stage that a look at your watch will prompt a response from your date, usually something like ‘do you have to leave?’ or  ‘would you like another drink?’. 

To which a reply back of ‘No I have time for another quick drink’ nicely sets the stage for your departure after the second drink has finished.

So it’ll be a coffee/drink date followed by a quick look at my watch during the halfway stage before I make my excuses and leave. 

Putting things into perspective.

Nothing like a dose of perspective to re-address the order of things.  The below article in today’s Observer.com highlights just how lucky we are to be able to choose our own partners. 

And being Asian, female and divorced I can relate to some but certainly not all of what Zari the lady in the article had to go through.

This article link is a timely reminder of how privileged we really are.

Article Link in Observer.com: Afghan Arranged Marriages

Getting on with it.

After three days of dating blues and feigning illness in an attempt to coax my flatmate into doing my half of our shared flat chores.  It’s time to start again.  I logged onto my subscribed internet dating sites last night to find twenty nine new emails. The majority were a ‘next’ but it was heartening to see the odd gem in amongst the rubble so to speak.

Whilst the owner of the below profile is most definitely a ‘next’ as his profile simply read:  

I am looking nice wife.  I look after her she look after me.  I got no words to say anything else. Thanks.

It’s consoling to think that if he has a chance then there’s hope for us all.

Dating Blues.

Deflated and fed up sums up my current dating state.  After days, weeks and months of dating and despite my ongoing persistence, patience and effort I am still single. 

My date two with ‘cute guy’ on Saturday went well but I know that he’s not the one.  I had some niggles about him which the date on Saturday only confirmed.  It’s gutting and disappointing as after weeks of doing The Rules, hard work, not returning texts or  emails, ending calls within 10 mins  and ending all my dates first,  he is now a ‘next’. 

It’s utterly frustrating and disheartening to keep going esp given how much effort and energy has already been expended.  The ongoing question of ‘will I ever meet the one’ continues to occupy my daily thoughts. 

It's a question only time can answer.

Kim Kardashian and The Rules.

The other night I watched the reality show Kourtney and Kim take New York.  There was a scene in Thursday’s episode whereby Kim Kardashian a gorgeous singleton and most definitely a CUAO (Rule 1: creature unlike any other) calls a guy called Martin and asks him out for a same day date. 

This scene could have been created for the cameras, in which case it’s understandable.  Otherwise in this thirty second scene Kim Kardashian breaks three Rules which are:

Do not pursue men, do not call men, do not accept and most certainly do not initiate last minute dates.

On a plus it’s gratifying to know that celebrity or not and irrespective of social status, age, class and culture The Rules make no exceptions.

Kate Middleton - Playing by The Rules

Ellen Fein's article in the Irish Examiner about how Kate Middleton played by The Rules.

Link - Kate Middleton Playing by The Rules.

Generic Emails.

Last night I logged on to check activity via my subscribed internet dating sites  and received the following note:

Hi,

Your profile got my attention.

I will want to know more about you.  I’m interested in settling down prettie soon with the right woman. A little about me, I live alone here In London, never married though I've always wished I was.  I’m a very simple and understanding person.  The last thing I will ever do is play with the emotions of a woman.

Feel free to write to me on lovingbeyondmoments@xxx.co.uk

xxxxx

It’s a generic note insomuch as he hasn’t mentioned anything in my profile which makes it an instant ‘next’.  Just as well as his email address is also a little bizarre.

The Web and Finding Love.

Interesting article about love and technology from the Observer.

Link: What effect has the web had on finding love.

The Profile Surgery – Wacky.

The following profile just caught my eye.  It’s certainly a little unusual yet entertaining nonetheless.

What I'm looking for:

I would like someone funny, bright and gorgeous to accommodate my schedule as much as she can, with a view to falling in love, worshipping me in some way and letting me 'get her pregnant' so we can pass on our genetic inheritance, including but not limited to: looks, manners & philosophies to our children ( Ideally, four, failing that, three and a puppy...although I would like to avoid an odd number of children if at all possible ) Lord knows the world needs saving...... like little superheroes, tasked with the simple
mission of reversing thousands of years of greed heads riding roughshod over the environment.

To reciprocate I will endeavour to get on with your friends and family. Although in my experience there's always one or two that don't quite make the grade. Oh, and dedicate my life to you, help you around the house, realise your dreams, protect and defend you from natural predators/bad weather/unfair criticism, fulfill your potential and rub cream into your stretch marks.

My only concern at this juncture is that if we do meet and fall head over heels....my enthusiasm and relief at finding 'the one' will be so great, so all-consuming, that I might hug you too hard and break your spine, killing you instantly or paralysing you below the waist a little bit.

P. s: It is very important to me that you kiss well. Kissing is great. I like to kiss and to be kissed. You must be able to do this to an accomplished degree.