Online stats, fans, profile views and live dates.

My previous online dating subscriptions had unfortunately expired early this year. 

I renewed my subscriptions last week. Friday to be exact, so 6 working days in total excluding the weekends. According to The Rules, Rules Girls are advised against responding  to any dating queries other than responding to an already agreed date from Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon.  

After the weekend I logged in on Monday evening and was initially delighted to have received various emails from both dating sites.

In the chart below are the vital stats for the period Friday 15^th October to Monday 25th October:

According to 'The Rules', being added as a fan/favourite/wave etc doesn’t count and it's good to get  into the habit of ignoring fans/favourites and any page views completely.  Of course Rules Girls never list or include anyone to their fan page/favourites etc.  Neither do we wave at anyone.

Out of the 18 total emails received, on closer inspection only 5 were Rulesy.  By Rulesy this is men who have taken the time to read our profiles and comment accordingly.

I responded to this handful of men and ignored all the other emails. From this ‘batch’ I have one confirmed date this Thursday and am waiting for another two to be confirmed.  It really is a numbers game.

The vital stats - Guardian Soulmates
Number of men who added me as a Fan	71
Number of men who viewed my profile	20
Number of men who actually emailed me	5
The vital stats - Mysinglefriend
Number of men who added me as a fan	140
Number of men who actually emailed me	13

Dating and when life takes over.

Over the past few months, life with all of its twists and turns has really taken over.  Since my last post, I’ve been so involved with flat renovations that dating has taken a second priority. 

In this time of ‘non dating’ builders started work on my flat, caused havoc and have since refused to turn up on site unless their cash in advance demands are met. 

Dating has naturally taken a back seat although I continually angst over the lack of dates  and beat myself up about not taking enough action.  During this period, my online subscriptions have expired, the marriage bureau I joined are very short of leads, and I’m also a year older.  Even though I’ve often forced myself to go out during this period. Sometimes life really does take over. 

Rule 11 - If He Doesn't Ask You Out Within Four Emails - Delete/Next.

Online dating is very much  one part of a whole and not the only way to meet people.  The Rules for online dating are fantastic for two reasons namely:

  
a)   Online dating is only a small part of the dating mastery.  I read an article the other day about a guy who used online dating sites.  From memory he signed up to five or six sites and then rated them. The ratings were all pretty much unfavourable  with his overarching conclusion being that -  online dating is a waste of time, all the people on the sites are ‘losers’ and what’s wrong with meeting someone down  the pub.

      My initial reaction was to compare this guys experience and subsequent results to food. (Since food is common to us all). We all know that broccoli is good for you. it’s  hailed as a super food and is available in different types.  However we wouldn’t just eat broccoli and expect all your nutrimental needs to be met.  It’s exactly the same for online dating. 

b) The Rules for online dating give you all the tools you need to date within an online environment safely, intelligently and with confidence.    Rule 11 states that 'if he doesn't ask you out within four emails, then he is a delete/next.  The basic premise is that Rules girls don’t waste time with pen pals and time wasters, of which there are plenty online.  Applying this rule can at first be tricky since not all emails are  equal.  Rule 11 for online dating works as follows and once applied is excellent in navigating online dating sites.

Email one	Email one is always initiated by the guy.  Email one must demonstrate that he looked and at least read your profile.
Email two	Email two is the girl’s response to the first email.  This must be light and breezy and not too long. The Rules suggest that you write less than the guy, that there is no need to change the subject header and that you wait 24 hours before responding to any email.   Basically a short and sweet response to email one, send 24 hours after his first email.
Email three	Email three is the guys chance to ask you more. In my experience men  respond within minutes of receiving my second email.
Email four	Email four is the girl’s response to email three.  Again light and breezy and 24 hours after his email.
Email five	Email five is where the guy should be either asking for your number or suggesting a meet up.
Email six	Email six the girl responds.
Email seven	Email seven is the last chance for a guy to ask you out/swap numbers/arrange coffee.

The above table is an ideal Rules scenario and in my experience following the above table does help to quickly and swiftly shift out time wasters.  Although it must be said that there is a slight art in steering men’s responses in the right direction.

The Rules frustration

Devil is in the detail

I’ve spent time  ‘studying’  and  have tried my best to date using the techniques in ‘The Rules’ despite starting a new job, and being homeless for the past year due to my 6 week flat renovation taking nearly a year . Over the past few months, I’ve forced myself to get on with it despite the circumstances mainly because  I think If I can’t be bothered to improve my dating success rate then why would anyone  bother on my behalf.

In all honesty I sometimes get totally confused and frustrated with the nuisances of applying ‘The Rules’.  Other times I think I’ve followed The Rules only to talk to girlfriends to find that the devil is indeed in the detail and rather than apply The Rules I’ve missed them by a considerable wide berth.  

At one point I became so focused on following The Rules that I ended up getting totally confused and subsequently messed up on a couple of dates.  Whilst this is incredibly frustrating I figured that messing up is all part of the learning process and with practise I’ll get better.

Introduction

Hi I'm India Kang,

A certified Rules dating and relationship coach.

When I first came across The Rulesbook by the authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, I didn't believe they worked. 

I found The Rules too abstract.  Why can't we call men back? What's all this about ending the date first?  And what do you mean I can't make the first contact?

To really understand whether they worked.  I decided to test The Rules by applying them to my personal dating journey,  together with reporting the findings by blogging about the results.

Well they did work. 

They worked so well that I became a Rules coach.  I know from personal experience how hard urban dating can be.  I also learnt how invaluable The Rules are within our 'always on' culture.

By becoming a Rules certified dating and relationship coach.  It is my aim to assist you to apply The Rules within your own dating and relationship journey.

To find out more or for a private consultation please visit wingsbowsandarrows.com.  Or you can find me on facebook India Kang, on twitter @Indkang or email via this blog datingtherules@gmail.com

Wishing you all the best in your own dating journey.

India.

Disclosure:  India Kang is a pen name