21 July 2014

Why Men Fight Dirty

Great little video by Lauren Gray talking about why men fight dirty.

Men and women certainly are wired differently.

Check it out here.  

To find out more or to book a private consultation please visit indiakang.com

15 July 2014

Back from the States.

With my husband's US family

Hello everyone, sorry I haven't posted in awhile. We were away.  We went to the States for a little over two weeks.  It was my husband's idea, he planned our trip and he did a super job.

We landed back in the UK about four hours ago. We kept the trip quiet (apart from close family, friends and of course my amazing clients) because we didn't fancy coming back to a burgled home.  Thankfully our place is all safe and sound and thanks to my neighbour my plants are watered and still alive.

It was a great trip.  The weather was scorching.  My husband's family treated us like kings. I'll write more over the course of this week.

In the meantime here's an excerpt of a conversation between my husband and I.  We were sat in San Fran airport, we were talking about a bunch of random stuff.  I can't remember the exact question I asked but here's what he said:

"When a man is looking for a wife, he's looking for the whole package. He wants a woman who 'adds' and is an asset to his life. He wants a woman who knows how to behave in front of his family and friends.  If you're good looking but hard work, he'll stay with you while it's convenient but ultimately he'll move on when a new opportunity presents itself.  Men want easy lives.  A hot girl with a great attitude can pretty much have any guy she wants. It doesn't matter if your figure is perfect or not. If you look after yourself and you're easy to be with you'll get a decent guy.  A bad attitude drives men away.  If men are looking after you and paying please drop the attitude. Some girls are attracted to 'bad boy' types.  Smart clever girls pick decent men."

To find out more or to book a private consultation please visit indiakang.com

3 July 2014

What does every 'no' mean?

Every NO brings you one step closer to a YES.

Of course I know you already know this my dearest readers.  

Thought I'd remind you!

Never ever give up and keep on going.

To find out more or to book a private consultation please visit www.indiakang.com

26 June 2014

Keep going even when things are slow.

This is one of The Rules in the original Rules book.

I'm familiar with the scenario. It runs something like this - you're out and about, online dating, on Tinder and you regularly attend Meet Ups, singles events etc yet you feel nothing is happening.

By 'nothing is happening' I mean where is Mr Right!

What can you do?

You have to keep going.  Yes you're fed up but you have to be in it to win it. And you will 'win it' providing you keep going even when things are slow.

Even when you think 'nothing is happening.'  Things are happening for example:

  • You're practising and mastering The Rules
  • You're working out and hopefully re-defining your deal breakers
  • You're looking after yourself, maybe eating better and getting fitter in the process
  • I'm guessing you've probably also made new friends. Whether you join a Rules group or attend singles event. I bet your contact list has grown in some way
  • You're also getting smarter, while 'nothing is happening' you've probably read more books/watched more films, maybe even started a new class.
  • You've tired out new restaurants, discovered new places that you didn't even know existed

Use this time wisely, once it's gone it's gone.  It never comes back. Once you're married, your time is no longer completely your own.

In the meantime there are an infinite number of things you can do.  Go do them!

To find out more, book a private consultation or to download my new e-book "Why Men Ask Dumb Dating Questions" please visit indiakang.com

24 June 2014

Some nice things said by my clients and a wedding.

Last week my clients said some nice things.  Here's what some of them said:

"I whole-heartedly think you are my dating doctor! You changed my online dating profile and my attitude!"  Rules Girl 30, based in Hong Kong

"Just wanted to let you know that you have been such an inspiration .You will be my main guest invitee in my future wedding  because it will be a lot thanks to you!"  Rules Girl 38, based in the U.S

"Well… this is very interesting. After consulting with you I logged on  and I am getting more quality messages."  Newbie Rules Girl 45 based in Greater London

"I know you said men are always buying you gifts and I didn't believe you.  You were right my  guy keeps buying me gifts. Thank you for your wisdom" Rules Girl 28 Philippines

"Dear India, everything you said happened, so pleased I put my trust in you. You really have a skill." Rules Girl 33 London

Why do my clients say nice things?

It's because I have the best clients of course.  It's a privilege to work with them all. 

The best news of all last week was one of my clients got married.  Unfortunately I can't share her story. Another Rules Girl bites the dust!!

To find out more or to book a private consultation please visit indiakang,com

20 June 2014

Why you shouldn't cook for your date.

I'll give you one big huge reason not to worry about cooking for your date.

You will cook plenty once you're married.  Trust me on this.

I've written more about how to navigate cooking for him or him wanting to cook for you in my new e-book "Why Men Ask Dumb Dating Questions" The book provides answers and scenarios explaining how to navigate when he says something like:

"Come over to my place, I thought I'd cook."

No thank you.

We don't go to boys houses.

Not until we're very happily exclusive.  Even then my dear readers don't worry about cooking for him. If you are going to cook, cook something basic.

The first thing I ever 'cooked' for my husband was a bagel with chocolate spread.  I gave him the fancy chocolate spread as opposed to the less fancy supermarket branded stuff.

This  from memory was after two months of dating.  He came to pick me up.  It was a Saturday afternoon, we were supposed to meet at 3pm.  He arrived early, I think it was about 1.30ish.  I remember the day, it was a hot day, he'd driven about two hours. He also arrived with food, he'd stopped off at a local restaurant and asked them to cook various vegetarian dishes.

I offered him a drink and a snack because it was lunchtime (ish), he'd driven two hours, he came bearing gifts and it was hot. My favorite memory from that day was his smile.  He has this smile where his face and eyes light up.   I think it was the chocolate spread. It's good stuff!!  Must get some more.

Now we're married and I'm in charge of  all things 'meal planning'.  It does take some transitioning especially as a singleton who never planned  meals, ate out  or came home ate soup with crackers or something equally hassle free.

Hold off on cooking and cleaning for him while you're dating. If you must cook; cook something simple and basic. You will do your fair share once you're married. There really is no rush. As I'm writing this blog post I'm actually cooking some meals ahead of the weekend. I never did this as a singleton. I can hear the pot bubbling as I type, I better go check.

Hurry up and join me.

We can swap recipe ideas.

To find out more or to book a private consultation please visit www.indiakang.com

18 June 2014

Halfway through 2014 - time for a dating review.

Time for a dating review

Can you believe we are almost halfway through 2014?

OK my dear readers if you’re actively dating it’s time to have a dating review.  If you’re not even dating. Why not?  Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but Mr Right doesn't magically appear.  You have to take continuous and persistent action to meet men.   As a married Rules Girl who did her part for the dating industry.  I can tell you the rewards are more than worth all the bad dates, no shows, booty callers, men who stand you up, men who poof etc..

This is what I want you to do.  You will need a pen and something to write on:

  • Schedule some time alone, mark the time out in your dairy if you must, go off to a coffee shop or whatever works for you. You can even do this during your morning or evening commute, providing your hands are free.

  • Look at which dating channels are working and what isn’t working for you.  If you regularly attend a particular Meet Up but there are no suitable men, or the Meet Up is full of women, consider joining other Meet Ups. Makes sense right?

  • What online dating sites are working for you?  Can you join more? The answer to this is always YES.  Join as many as you can.   I realise it’s expensive but consider it an investment for your future happiness.

  • Can you refresh your online dating pictures. The answer to this is also YES. Upload  new ones and please don’t skim on the pictures, they really are THAT important.  If you need extra help my one hour online dating package is very popular. I’m getting some great results for my clients.  We've recently sold our flat in London.  The estate agent looking after our property changed and refreshed our property details every two weeks or so. They’d call to say they were having a refresh,  they either changed the tagline or the pictures.  You must do the same, keep your profile fresh by rotating your pictures and maybe change your username too.

  • Can you try Tinder or another mobile dating app.  Yes these apps double suck but they're here to stay. One of the girls who came to the meet up on Saturday is dating a guy she met on Tinder.  Worst case you get to practice The Rules. 

  • If you use a gym, exercise in the men’s area. Some gyms have an area designated for women only, go to where the men are. Just don’t make eye contact or talk to any man first.  He has to make contact with you first. Goes without saying if your gym is only for women, join a mixed gender gym.

  • Go solo; I’m a huge advocate of going solo. Dress up and go. Don’t care what anyone thinks either. Once you’re happily married you won’t care.  Dating is a means to an end. Some of my friends thought ‘going solo’ or ‘online dating’ smacked of desperation.  They thought and still think The Rules are crazy.  Does it matter?  No, not at all and yes some of them are still single or  in unrules-y relationship. 

  • Open up your deal breakers.  I strongly encourage you to do this.  I was talking to a girl last week; she would have made a fantastic match for one of my male clients. She’s in her early forties, she was his type. She wouldn't agree to a coffee date because he lived outside London.   Location is one of her deal breakers.  I thought it was mine too before I met my husband.  My advice is please open up your deal breakers. Sometimes what we think are deal breakers, in the long term really don’t matter. As I tell my clients - opening up your deal breakers means more men for YOU to either accept or reject. 

  • Re-look at your intentions and update your vision board. I'm in the process of updating mine too. It doesn't take long, you can do it in half a day. If you need help get in touch and we can run through via a quick consult.

  • Don’t fret the weekend dead zone.  The weekend dead zone is a marvelous place.  It allows you to recuperate and switch off for a short while. I loved the dead zone. I'd await its arrival every week. Every week it came and every Friday I’d practically skip home as it meant a break from dating

  • Don't keep taking yourself off for long periods of time. Remember you have to treat dating like a full time job.  Would you keep booking holidays if you were waiting to hear back about your dream job? I don't think you would.  You would make sure you were accessible to take calls, signs contracts, agree a start date.  If you're serious about dating, you have to approach dating with the same mindset.

  • Practice the answers to all those difficult dating questions. All the answers are in my new e-book titled "Why Men Ask Dumb Dating Questions" which is available via Amazon here.  The reason I have answers that work (which will get you results) is because I used them  personally on my own dating journey. As a Rules coach I'm giving you answers that have been tried and tested and work.

In short,  review your dating strategy, take a look at what’s working and what isn't. Unfortunately I don’t have any shortcuts for you.  The only shortcuts are doing The Rules.

The Rules will help you weed out men who are not into you. They’ll stop you wasting time on men who don’t want you.  We don’t want them either!

I hope this helps you to keep going.  My only regret is that I didn't start dating sooner!  All those wasted years thinking “it would just happen.”  It did finally happen and I know it will happen for you too.

If you'd like help with your online dating profile or a consult please visit indiakang,com.
I dated, did The Rules, in short practiced what I preach, met my husband and I can help you too.